More than half of all adult Americans are currently single, with many struggling with a variety of issues stemming from not having a life partner. As the population of single people in this country continues to increase, whether from inability to find the right person or divorce, people need to reorient themselves as to what it means to be single. There has always been this perception that when a person is single, they can do whatever they want whenever they want, and that their level of responsibility is less than someone who is married; this is a critical flaw in how we view single people and, in many instances, how they view themselves. Here are what I have found to be the top five mistakes singles make in today’s world:
Thinking you are alone: being single means you have not yet found the one person with whom you have an exclusive, romantically based life partnership. It does NOT mean you are alone, nor does it mean you do not have important, meaningful relationships of varying natures with other people. Society has instilled in us that people who are single are alone. That is not true, and it is important for single people to realize that being a functioning, successful single is an accomplishment.
Over-reliance on technology: Online dating, texts, email, and social media have changed the way people meet, socialize and attempt to find their soul mate. Technology can show you a face or information, but it does not give someone a presence. Too much technology in a relationship damages passion. We have placed too much emphasis on automated communication. True verbal and non-verbal interpersonal communication is critical towards the bond between two people. Also, many people use text and email as a way to avoid meaningful face-to-face interaction, which is indicative of other problems.
Expecting a partner to be something you are not: Many singles tend to have higher expectations for their potential mate than they do for themselves. It’s important to not expect something of someone that you cannot be yourself. If you are an unhealthy eater, don’t be disappointed if your date orders something that is fattening. People look to be with someone who embodies the qualities that they don’t have themselves, or want a person who will complete them. That means they are knowingly going into the relationship a fractured person.
Creating too many requirements for the ideal person: While knowing what you want is good, pre-determining every single aspect negates the intangible connection two people can have. What looks like a match on paper is often anything but, and what looks like a mismatch on paper can often be just the opposite. Singles must be open-minded and not try to “build-and-search,” meaning do not create the spouse of your dreams and then try to find him or her. A person’s likes are based on experiences, and sometimes you can have the right food but the wrong cook. A person should not close themselves off because of past experiences.
Being uncomfortable in your own skin: You cannot make someone else comfortable and happy unless you are comfortable and happy with yourself. The success of any relationship is contingent on the level of confidence and security you have with yourself. It is popular for people to want to fall in love, but it would be better to walk in love. That is the difference between a relationship with a sprinter versus a cross-country runner.